CFJTM Chapter 134. He only wants to love him.

TN: I’m feeling better and updates are back on track!

So I had fun transforming the novel titles with an online logo tool at https://eu1.flamingtext.com/All-Logos, if you want to check them out in the title pages or new Completed section!

Okay remember how pitiful we thought HC before? Well wait till you finish this chapter…

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Han Cheng had a dream, an ethereal yet real dream.

He dreamed of a bright hotel. Shen Qingshu was sitting on the bed. That was the hotel where they first met. He came out after taking a bath and Shen Qingshu was looking at him tremblingly. At a loss and uneasy. He seemed frightened, and at the same time like he wanted to resist.

Seeing this, Han Cheng changed into his clothes again and said to him, “otherwise let’s forget it, I think you are not ready. You should rest first and I will sleep next door.”

He said this and went out, but as soon as he reached the door, he heard a low sob.

Looking back in surprise, he saw Shen Qingshu sitting on the bed with his head bowed and starting to cry.

Han Cheng was puzzled and asked him, “Why are you crying? You wanted to come here with me. Now that you’re unwilling, I’m ready to go. What is there to cry about?”

But the other party seemed to have been wronged, and the more he cried, the more emotional he was.

Han Cheng had a headache. He walked over and handed him two pieces of tissue.

Shen Qingshu accepted it and said thank you intermittently. He gripped the tissue and cried for a long time. It was like talking to him. He told him why he made an appointment with him. “My boyfriend cheated on me.”

Han Cheng nodded, “Oh.”

“He doesn’t love me, my adoptive mother doesn’t love me, and my biological mother and father don’t love me either.”

Han Cheng: …

Han Cheng can only comfort him, “then you should love yourself more.”

“I don’t love myself either.”

Han Cheng: …

Han Cheng didn’t know what else to say.

He silently drew two more sheets of tissue and handed them to the person in front of him.

Shen Qingshu took it and said, “I actually wanted to retaliate against him, so I asked you out. Since he has cheated, why should I remain loyal to him?”

“That’s not necessary.” Han Cheng advised him, “You can take revenge on him if he cheated, but you don’t need to offer yourself up. You can beat him or scold him, and there is no need to wrong yourself for him by doing things you don’t like.”

Shen Qingshu looked up at him, as if he had never thought that a stranger would listen to him so patiently and persuade him.

“You’re right.”

“That’s it.” Han Cheng smiled, “so we can see that there are still some good men in the world, but you need to polish your eyes.”

He talked with Shen Qingshu for half an evening, and then sleepily went to the next room and slept for the rest of the night.

The next morning, Han Cheng returned to his house.

In fact, he drank too much a few days ago, and on the spur of the moment, he downloaded this app, which is said to be very popular recently. He had the urge to hook up, now he calmed down and uninstalled the app.

A few days later, Yan Jiayu returned home. He was still affectionate and seemed to care about himself.

Han Cheng felt annoyed and couldn’t be bothered to talk to him. He looked at the dance floor.

Yan Jiayu deliberately teased, “you’re really as romantic as ever xiao Cheng. When I came back from abroad, you didn’t even look at me. You just looked at those little boys. Sure enough, doesn’t everyone like those younger?”

Han Cheng drank the wine, and when he heard this, he deliberately replied, “mhm.”

Yan Jiayu seemed to have no idea that he would respond. He was not happy, and his mouth was not forgiving. “Then why are you still sitting there? Why don’t you hurry to find your next peach blossom?”

Han Cheng got up and walked to the dance floor.

In fact, he doesn’t like dancing. Every time he comes to the bar, he drinks. But he just wants to annoy Yan Jiayu. If Yan Jiayu stabs him, he will stab him back.

He just intended to pass by the dance floor, Yan Jiayu was so angry that he went to the bathroom.

However, as soon as he walked past, a sharp eyed boy crowded up to him and asked him with a smile, “is gege alone? I’ll buy you a drink.”

Han Cheng wanted to refuse, but he thought of something and replied, “I’ll buy you a drink.”

He brought the person back with him and sat down in his seat, telling the other to make himself at home.

The boy was not polite either. He ordered a cocktail and sat next to him. His eyes stuck to him and he could not be torn off.

Yan Jiayu didn’t expect that he actually brought someone back. His lungs were bursting with anger and he spoke full of bad intentions.

Han Cheng looked at him in a bad mood and felt much better.

He seems to have found a way to deal with Yan Jiayu. Since he likes to say how he is romantic, he will act as he wishes.

Every time he went to the bar, he would take those boys who deliberately accosted him back to his seat, invite them to drink, and occasionally send them home.

Yan Jiayu angrily asked him, “are you going to accept everyone?”

Han Cheng smiled carefreely. “You always said I was frivolous, didn’t you?”

A fierce quarrel broke out between the two, and then the cold war started.

Friends around him asked him what was wrong. Han Cheng casually made up an excuse without saying the real reason. He suddenly felt very irritated, no matter what Yan Jiayu did or what he did.

When he tried to persuade others, he advised that the other should not do things he did not like in order to get revenge on the other party. However, when it was his turn, he was still greedy for temporary happiness.

In fact, he doesn’t like those people who always come to chat him up, let alone want to sit with them.

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He was simply trying to annoy Yan Jiayu.

Han Cheng didn’t go to the bar anymore. People said that he had tasted all the beauties here and went to other places to hunt.

Han Cheng didn’t bother to explain, but just went to work quietly.

When the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming, he saves Bai Jian after eating with a business partner.

He took Bai Jian to the hotel and went home himself, but he didn’t expect that the two would soon meet on the set.

Cen Yueze invited him to have dinner. After dinner, he went to the production team to meet Lu Xue and wanted to convince her to play in his company’s TV series. Han Cheng accompanied him to the production team and saw Bai Jian being bullied on the set.

He helped Bai Jian. Bai Jian was grateful and wanted to invite him to dinner.

Seeing that Cen Yueze and Lu Xue seemed to need some time, Han Cheng agreed.

They talked happily, sharing many common topics. After dinner, they naturally added wechat to get the contact information of each other.

After that, it was as if there was a destiny. He inadvertently sent the wrong wechat message to Bai Jian. Bai Jian replied to him and became familiar with him.

By the time Han Cheng found that he had a different feeling for him, Bai Jian had already finished filming and was delivering his new resume everywhere. He was frustrated because he failed in the auditions.

Looking at his depressed appearance, Han Cheng contacted Cen Yueze and asked him to go for the new drama of Changle entertainment.

Bai Jian is very happy, but he is sensitive to the fact that the identity gap between himself and Han Cheng is too large.

Han Cheng didn’t say anything and he was too embarrassed to ask if Han Cheng liked him, so he continued to maintain this ambiguity.

Until Han Cheng bumped into him being entangled with Sun Jun on the crew.

Han Cheng never thought his love would be like this.

He felt sick and angry.

Remembering Yan Jiayu, he did not understand why everytime, he could not meet people who purely like him. He was always the substitute for others.

He had an argument with Bai Jian, and Bai Jian cried, saying that he did not use him as a double.

Han Cheng sneered, “you look at his face and say to me that your feelings for me have nothing to do with him at all. Can you say it?”

The two parted unhappily.

Han Cheng didn’t want to talk to him anymore.

Bai Jian felt too aggrieved to contact him.

Neither of them wanted to step back. Then, Bai Jian was injured.

Han Cheng hurried over, and Bai Jian said to him with red eyes: “aren’t you ignoring me? Leave!”

Han Cheng could only compromise and say, “I’m sorry.”

They reconciled and formally established their relationship.

But Sun Jun was like a thorn in Han Cheng’s heart.

Especially when Sun Jun also appeared in the ward to visit Bai Jian.

Han Cheng hopes that he can leave. He hopes that Bai Jian can draw a clear line with Sun Jun, at least prevent Sun Jun from always appearing in their lives.

Bai Jian felt that his request was too selfish. “He is my friend. Although I like you, I also have the right to make friends.”

“But are you friends?” Han Cheng asked him, “does he only treat you as a friend? Do you only treat him as a friend?”

Bai Jian had a momentary fluctuation. He said, “that’s the past. We are just friends now.”

After that, there was another quarrel.

At the end of the quarrel, Bai Jian cried, and Han Cheng could not argue any more. He looked at the crying lover in front of him. Finally, he still hugged him and did not force him any more.

However, the good times did not last long. Before long, Yan Jiayu appeared. He secretly met Bai Jian and told him about Han Cheng’s past. He said that he was his first love and his white moonlight. Han Cheng, in order to anger him had a love affair one person after another, “You can go to the bar and ask. Who doesn’t know that second young master Han is romantic and frivolous. The people who drink with him every day are different. Being with you now means that he is tired of eating fish and meat and wants to try some congee dishes.”

Bai Jian looked at him in shock.

After Han Cheng arrived, he asked if it was true. Han Cheng explained it to him, but Bai Jian didn’t believe it.

He and Sun Jun went to the bar before Han Cheng arrived. They asked several waiters at random and found that this was the truth.

Bai Jian’s heart was broken. Sun Jun gently hugged Bai Jian in his arms as he cried heartily.

Yan Jiayu took a photo and sent it to Han Cheng’s mobile phone to let him have a good look at how the person he liked snuggled in other people’s arms.

When Han Cheng saw Sun Jun in the photo, he was jealous. He drove to the bar and wanted to take Bai Jian away. But Bai Jian didn’t listen to him. He felt tired and thought that Han Cheng was just playing with him. He held onto Sun Jun and said that he liked Sun Jun.

Han Cheng let go and looked at Sun Jun with clenched teeth.

Sun Jun was very proud and gently coaxed the person in his arms.

Han Cheng finally left. He went home like a cornered beast. Unexpectedly,  the next day, he met Shen Qingshu.

Shen Qingshu seemed very surprised. He came over and said he wanted to invite him to dinner.

Han Cheng agreed. As a result, he met Bai Jian and Sun Jun in the restaurant.

Han Cheng turned and left, and Shen Qingshu followed.

Sun Jun said, “you see, there is no shortage of people around him. Yesterday, he said he only loved you. Today, isn’t there another man beside him? Only you think you are special.”

Bai Jian thinks he is right. There is so much difference between Han Cheng and him. Han Cheng is not him. How can he understand his worries and thoughts?

How can he really only love him and live with him forever?

But he was still uncomfortable, uncomfortable because of Han Cheng’s frivolous nature and suffering because of his own feelings.

Han Cheng was lost in thought, and he basically didn’t eat much of a meal. When he was leaving, Shen Qingshu asked him if he could have his contact information. Han Cheng refused, but soon he found that he met Shen Qingshu again.

Shen Qingshu has changed.

He did not know what he had experienced during this period, but he had become obsessed with him.

Han Cheng said, “I have someone I like.”

Shen Qingshu said, “but he doesn’t like you back, does he?”

Han Cheng ignored him and ;eft straight away.

Bai Jian’s father is very sick. Bai Jian wants to help the family, but he finds that he has no savings. He can only ask Sun Jun to lend him money, but Sun Jun can lend him money, but he can’t help him find a specialised doctor.

Bai Jian thought of Han Cheng, but didn’t want to bow down.

In the end he didn’t let Han Cheng know and found his other friends.

Cen Yueze learned about this from his company’s artists and told Han Cheng.

Han Cheng hurried to the hospital and helped Bai Jian’s father.

Bai Jian cried in thankfulness foe his help. Han Cheng coaxed him for a long time. Bai Jian finally hugged him and condemned his ruthlessness these days.

Han Cheng thought that they would be reunited in this way.

However, to his surprise, Shen Qingshu found Bai Jian. He said, “do you really think you are suitable? Have you done it? We did it. Long ago, before he met you, we were with each other for the first time. We liked each other. Therefore, I hope you can give him to me.”

Bai Jian looked at him in shock, and then, with a sad face, said to him, “I wish you happiness.”

He once again had a quarrel with Han Cheng.

Han Cheng didn’t understand. Until Bai Jian repeated Shen Qingshu’s original words, Han Cheng angrily said, “I didn’t. Why do you believe everything they say? Why don’t you trust me?!”

“Because you are such a person, aren’t you? With your status, it’s perfectly normal for you to do these things!”

“Is that who I am in your heart?”

“That’s right.” Bai Jian looked at him. “Han Cheng, you are not me, so you don’t understand. You don’t know how much I have suffered in our relationship.”

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Bai Jian’s crying was full of aggrievedness.

Han Cheng felt more aggrieved than he did.

He went to find Shen Qingshu and asked him why he would do this. Shen Qingshu looked at him with persistence in his eyes. He said, “you are the best person I have met. I like you. I want to be with you. Can’t you try to like me?”

He looked at him painfully. “We should have done it that night. I met you first. I met you so much earlier than him. Why can it be him but not me?”

Han Cheng looked at the obstinacy in his eyes and felt tired.

He doesn’t understand why people become like this. Just like he doesn’t understand how he just wants to fall in love. Why is it so hard?

He’s too tired. He’s really tired.

He gave the recording to Bai Jian and told him that they had nothing to do with each other.

He sat on the recliner at home, his heart full of ash.

He still got back together with Bai Jian. After Bai Jian told him that he was not feeling well, he went to see him.

However, he seems to have lost the passion and enthusiasm for him in the beginning.

——Perhaps there was never such a thing between them, but he could not remember it clearly.

He was too tired to recall.

He met Sun Jun again, and he even felt he was used to this.

Used to constant quarrelling, used to quarrelling and getting back together, then quarrelling and getting back together.

Han Yu asked him, “is this fun?”

“Not fun.” Han Cheng replied.

“Then why are you still with him?”

“Because I love him.” Han Cheng answered him.

“Do you really love him?” Han Yu asked.

“Of course.” Han Cheng said, “I only love him.”

While saying that, his heart was calm and without waves. As if this was an ordinary statement. There was no love and light in his eyes, only quiet and steadiness.

Han Yu thought, is this love?

Maybe he doesn’t need love.

He said, “Xiao Cheng, I hope you can be happy.”

Han Cheng bowed his head and laughed, “I hope so too.”

He walked forward in the darkness and saw a lamp in front of him. Under the lamp stood Bai Jian. He knew that that was his future.

Even if there is no light ahead, there will be someone beside him.

He ought to be very happy, he ought to be having fun, he ought to be thankful, but why is there no fluctuation in his heart?

He walked forward step by step. He could see Bai Jian standing under the lamp smiling and waving to him and could hear him shouting his name.

He should be eager to go over and embrace him. But why is he not excited at all?

No, Han Cheng thought, there must be something wrong.

He suddenly stopped and looked at the long darkness and loneliness. This is wrong. It shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be like this.

He stepped back step by step. He saw Bai Jian shouting his name anxiously and saw Sun Jun walking towards Bai Jian step by step. He saw Yan Jiayu passing by him and more people passing by him.

He was looking for someone, but he couldn’t find him.

His life should not be like this. He should not be like this. Who did he miss? Who did he miss, who?

Suddenly, he saw a familiar figure. Running to the other’s side desperately, he held the other side’s shoulder and made the person turn around.

The man looked at him in surprise and asked him, “Han Cheng, are you willing to love me and stay with me?”

Han Cheng let go and unconsciously backed away.

Not him, not him.

He looked at Shen Qingshu in front of him. It was a familiar face, but he knew it was not him.

He could not find him after all.

It seems like he had found him, but it is not him.

Did he miss him?

When?

Where?

When he heard Bai Jian shouting to himself again, he said, “Han Cheng, come here. Why don’t you come back? Don’t you love me?”

I don’t love you. He heard the voice in his heart shout.

I don’t love you.

I have someone I love. I don’t love you.

How could he love Bai Jian?

He never liked him. He had someone he loved. He only wanted to love him.

But he couldn’t find that man.

Han Cheng looked around, but he could not find the familiar figure.

He clearly only wants to love him. He clearly loves him very seriously. Why does he not appear?

The overwhelming darkness hit him, and the drowning suffocation made him breathless.

Han Cheng suddenly opened his eyes. It was bright. He looked at Shen Qingshu, who was sleeping quietly in his arms. Cold sweat covered him.

He hugged Shen Qingshu like a poor man hugging his last wealth.

Thank god, thank god he’s still here.

——He only wants to love him. Among so many people, among those who love and don’t love him, he only wants to love him.

TN: *Feels a violent impulse to bash BJ over the head*

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